Monologue

For this monologue I will be taking the voice of Zero Punctuation. He is a video game reviewer who swears (i will not include that) and creates random metaphors and similes to show how much he dislikes almost every game he reviews. Some of the language that follows is still slightly vulgar and do not think that I actually think this way for I am merely copying his voice. Enjoy

So recently after years of listening to you half-wits out there going on about Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens being one of the best books ever I decided to review it, actually more realistically is that Academic Decathlon decided to leave the burning pile of dog crap in a bag on our front porch so I had to read it. This book was supposedly written about how London and Paris were in ways parallel or something during the French Revolution, of course this was told to me later because the actual book just switches scenes back and forth between each city and we are supposed to assume there's a reason to his mental ramblings. For the first two segments or "Chapters" of this book the reader is literally sitting around with their fingers up their butts wondering when the writer is going to get off his bong and start making sense. For it seems that the writer wants to make sure you know every insignificant character's entire family history and their life story, taking two pages to talk about the man who came in, said "message" and then walked back out of the darn door. Then you never see that character again in the god forsaken book. Now it only gets interesting in the third "chapter" when the French Revolution finally gets rolling and starts to involve the characters a little bit more then just fleeting glances. I don't want to give away the book but the true part I liked was probably only the last 10 pages or so. Otherwise the rest of the book follows my previous description as a burning bag of dog crap.

And so you historic book lovers you can keep your Dickens crap to yourselves.